THE BIG Q
How to ask someone about their vaccination status during or prior to a social situation? How to politely decline entering an enclosed space such as an elevator when you’re wearing a mask and the person inside is not? How to address people who wear masks below their noses?
CERI: Hasn’t this been one of the most fun parts of the last year? I joke. Honestly, I think you should just be straight forward. If you’ve been invited to a wedding in the fall, ask the couple how they’re handling the vaccination question. Unfortunately, that’s on anyone who is hosting a big event indoors now. It should be made clear both how they’re handling vaccinations and covid protocols. And if they’re not willing to, I’d decline to attend. No one’s big day is worthy of becoming a super spreader. As for those who are wearing their mask under their noses, it depends where you are. If you’re walking past them in the grocery store, I’d probably just try to keep as far away from them as I could. But the other day I was getting into the elevator in my building and a delivery guy had his mask at half mast and I just asked him to put it on properly. He huffed a bit but what do I care? Then again, in Toronto, these things aren’t quite as polarizing as in the states. I know Kim has had a couple of more dramatic run-ins.
KIM: Well, I live in Florida where masks were always optional. It was probably 50-50 here indoors before the CDC changed guidelines for the fully vaccinated, a cohort I am proud to be part of. Before though, I was waiting for an elevator and was wearing my mask. The door opened and the woman inside was maskless. I politely declined to get in and said with a smile, “I’ll get the next one.” She kept insisting. At this point she was being nice too. But I decided to be honest and say, “No thank you, you’re not wearing a mask.” She rolled her eyes and as the elevator door shut she let loose two giant coughs. Total bitch.
I have a dog, so the next time I was avoiding an elevator ride with a maskless wonder I said my dog wasn’t good with people in the elevator. That elicited a more user-friendly response. If I don’t have the dog, I take the stairs.
Do you have a dilemma you want our help with? Nothing’s off limits - whatever is on your mind, we want to know! Write to us at Askkimandceri@gmail.com
THE RAVE
It’s easy to focus on the negatives out there, people behaving badly seem to outnumber random acts of kindness. Each week we will share with you something we heard or read or witnessed that proves there are good, kind people out there. Share yours with us!
KIM: The world is full of doom and gloom stories since, well, forever, but it’s been downright dystopian since the pandemic began. So when I read about these diners in a small town in Oklahoma I was touched and found it uplifting. Here’s how it works; customers come and eat, then they order another meal - breakfast, lunch, dinner, up to them - and pay for it but the meal isn’t cooked. Instead the customer tapes the paid receipt to the “giving wall” so anyone
in need can come into the diner, pick a meal and dine for free. This is so lovely to do for your community. You never know who is struggling to feed themselves or their family. It’s been a tough tough year, with food banks jammed packed with people who never used them before. This is a nice way to help feed people who are food insecure.
CERI: It’s so great! And I really like that it’s a restaurant. Of course, food banks are vital and have been particularly vital this past year. But I just think it’s a small but profound dignity to be able to eat out. Imagine you were living in poverty and it was your kid’s birthday. How wonderful to be able to take them out for a celebration dinner and not have to worry about the expense? Of course it’s a very kind act, but did you know that studies show that acts of kindness are emotionally and psychologically good for the giver, too? It’s a nicety win-win!
The Rant
Sometimes you just need to bitch about something. Each week, we’ll sound off about something that pissed us off. Feel free to share your own rants with us. Who knows, we might run yours!
CERI: I broke one of my own rules this week. And that led me to break a few more. I know better than to wade into a Facebook fight, I really do.
Okay, here’s what happened. I have a friend who is a charming contrarian. Alas, her Facebook posts questioning vaccines and lockdown policies has attracted some real winners. And this week they were busy congratulating themselves on not being duped by big science, big pharma, big media about lifesaving vaccinations. I promise you, dear reader, I started off small. I asked, “Why be vaccine-phobic? Weren’t you vaccinated as a kid?” It was a real question, not meant to start a fight.
The fire throwing started immediately. Super awesome dude: Did I even know the difference between a vaccine and an injection that would alter my DNA? Me: Despite some confusion on the subject, Covid vaccines do not alter your DNA. Super awesome dude: You are unconscious! You are brain dead! You don’t even know how to read a scientific report! Me: Actually, I’m a journalist and I have written two books that involved reading all kinds of scientific journals. It’s not really hard. SAD: Eat another donut!
Reader, I confess I didn’t know how donuts play a role in the debate over vaccinations. Were they given out at some clinics as a small perk for getting a jab? Do liberals eat a lot of donuts? I remain unsure.
Me: There is no call for your rudeness. You don’t know me. Super Awesome Dude sent me a link to a blog post by a random, aging flat-earther listing the 19 Things The Government Doesn’t Want You To Know About Covid! Me: I’ll get my information from scientists, thanks. Next SAD sent me a link to an actual journal discussing the structure of spike proteins and how they affect tissues. The point of the study was that the very shape of coronavirus is a large part of its danger. It was in no way a study which undermined vaccines. When I shared this impression with SAD, it was too much for him. SAD: You are so stupid! You can’t even read! Eat another donut!
I take pride in being well mannered. And I feel like if we stop talking to people who don’t share our beliefs, life gets more polarized. However, I had to admit that I was speaking a stupid person, and worse, a rude person. Me: Okay, I’m done with you. Please feel free to fuck all the way off.
Kim and I used to say, Don’t be rude to the rude person. And I mostly agree. I’d rather employ our technique of “nicing” to subdue the ill-mannered. But sometimes, after you’ve really tried to be civil, I feel like you can and are allowed to tell people to fuck off.
Who would you like to fuck all the way off? Let us know!
Be Kind
We will always want you to do one random act of kindness to others and this week we’re still loving the giving wall idea so much we want you to find a way to feed families in need in your community. Perhaps start a giving wall at your favorite diner or restaurant. Tell us what you did and we’ll feature you in a future newsletter!