THE BIG Q:
I allow my 17 year old daughter to bring her girlfriend over for a sleepover, I know they are having sex but I always thought it was safer for them if I was a “cool” mom. But last weekend I walked in on my daughter’s threesome by mistake! I’m not cool with this and demanded that this never happen again. My daughter won’t talk to me and calls me a hypocrite. Am I a sudden prude?
CERI: Hard no. Hell no. No, no, no. If I could muster the cool to allow my daughter to do that in our home, it would be to keep her safe and to support her relationship. But I would be extending the hell out of myself. I know, she’s 17 and I had handed over my V-card before that, but she is my baby and it is really hard to think of her as a sexual being, even though I know she is. So, okay to sleepovers, but keep it down in there. I do not want to hear it, just like she doesn’t like to hear her parents getting it on. As for special guests? No. It’s not like you agreed to anyone at all having sex in your daughter’s room - you said yes to the girlfriend, who is in a committed relationship and presumably is someone you like and respect. If getting poly with it is part of
your daughter’s deal, she’s got to figure out some other location for that. Like, I don’t know, the backseat of a car? The third wheel’s basement? I just know that you’re not operating a sex club so you don’t have to say anything goes.
KIM: It’s tough, and I don’t have kids, but since you’ve already said yes to vanilla sex then how can you say no to tutti frutti? If you’re saying yes to sex under your roof then you can’t abruptly draw the line as to what type of sex. I mean, safe is safe, no matter the flavor of ice cream. If you want to pick and choose then you really are going down a line that crosses privacy. But then again, allowing sex club antics isn’t exactly mother of the year award material. I’d probably start by telling your daughter that you might be a hypocrite but you’re still her mom and what you say goes and vanilla is the only flavor dessert on the menu.
Do you have a dilemma you want our help with? Nothing’s off limits - whatever is on your mind, we want to know! Write to us at Askkimandceri@gmail.com
THE RANT
Sometimes you just need to bitch about something. Each week, we’ll sound off about something that pissed us off. Feel free to share your own rants with us. Who knows, we might run yours!
KIM: Fan or not, there is no way I can’t weigh in on the ongoing scandal that is pop superstar Britney Spears nightmare of a life. Unless you’ve been under a rock you know the poor little rich girl has been under the thumb of a Draconian conservatorship run by her estranged father, James Spears, since 2008 after a series of public mental health episodes.
The New Yorker published an in-depth story on the Spears saga, written by Pulitzer Prize winner Ronan Farrow. Read it to catch up. It’s harrowing stuff.
Back in our Fabulous Girl’s days, Ceri and I appeared on #MeToo poster boy Bill O’Reilly’s show to discuss if it was polite for Britney to go out on the town without underwear. Yikes. To think O’Reilly was even in a place of authority to judge. But there we were.
Now Britney has spoken for herself, unfiltered and on the public record. You can read a transcript of her speech here. But she concluded her plea with some heartbreaking words. “After I’ve lied and told the whole world “I’m OK, and I’m happy.” It’s a lie. I thought I just maybe I said that enough maybe I might become happy. Because I’ve been in denial. I’ve been in shock. I am traumatized. You know, fake it till you make it. But now I’m telling you the truth, OK? I’m not happy. I can’t sleep. I’m so angry it’s insane, and I’m depressed. I cry every day.”
The #freeBritney movement and the documentaries it spawned may or may not have played a role in giving Britney the courage to speak and trust that she’d be believed. Certainly one of the most stunning claims was that her father and those in charge of her every move forced her to have an IUD, preventing her from having children. This type of forced “sterilization” is one of America’s dirty secrets and certainly part of the ongoing battle for women’s freedom, particularly over their own bodies..
And this obsession that America has over controlling the female body is also stepping up on the opposite side of the spectrum with the country’s recent uptick in abortion restrictions. These come from lawmakers, many of whom are the same old white guys who has no issue copping a feel in a hallway or telling you he likes your “rack”. The latest happened in May in Texas, when Republican governor Greg Abbott signed legislation known as a heartbeat bill that bans abortion at six weeks. A time so early in a girl or woman’s pregnancy she probably hasn’t even peed on a stick yet.
And if that wasn’t enough, Texans who take pride in doing everything in a “big” way, has added this doozy: anyone who is against abortion, even if they don’t live in the Lone Star state or even know the woman involved, can sue the abortion provider or anyone who helps the patient receive the procedure. This can be as benign as driving her to the clinic.
WTF? And don’t get me wrong. I love Texas! I love the rough landscape, the people, the culture and let’s not forget that the state capital is Austin, known for its liberal values. But this?
All this to say that Roe vs Wade is under attack in a way it hasn’t been since the 70s. According to the Guttmacher Institute, since “January of this year, there have been 561 abortion restrictions, including 165 abortion bans, introduced across 47 states (all counts current as of June 7, 2021). A whopping 83 of those restrictions have been enacted across 16 states, including 10 bans. To put those figures in context, by the same date in 2011—the year previously regarded as the most hostile to abortion rights since Roe was decided—70 restrictions had been enacted, including seven bans. Already, 2021 is tied with 1973 for the second-most enacted restrictions ever.”
No one person, group and certainly not the government should have any right telling me or any woman of any age, that they should have a baby if it’s not what she wants. Or to tell woman she can’t have a baby, as in the case of Britney.
Texas also just passed a bill allowing any yahoo over 21 to carry a handgun without a permit. So, the governor can condone and even pass laws to make it easy to kill another human , but makes it illegal for a woman to terminate a pregnancy no matter the circumstance. '
Both bills become law in September.
I hope Britney gets her freedom back and with it her freedom to choose, a wish I have for every woman across America. If you’re unsure what your state laws are view this map from Planned Parenthood.
THE RAVE
It’s easy to focus on the negatives out there, people behaving badly seem to outnumber random acts of kindness. Each week we will share with you something we heard or read or witnessed that proves there are good, kind people out. Share yours with us!
KIM: But why listen to me, well, because you should always listen to me, right, Ceri? Seriously, I was moved to tears listening to Texas high school grad and valedictorian Paxton Smith ditch her pre-approved speech to speak openly and freely about the restrictive so-call Heartbeat Law that goes into affect in September. Same month as the new gun bill by the way!
"I have dreams, and hopes and ambitions. Every girl graduating today does," Smith said. "And without our input and without our consent, our control over that future has been stripped away from us."